wrigley field is MILF paradise
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
