just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
