I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
