why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
