Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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