So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
