i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
