We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
