hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize