I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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