FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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