The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
