Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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