I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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