Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
