You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
