A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
