We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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