Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
