She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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