Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
