It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
