So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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