Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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