so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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