I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
