I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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