went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
