I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
