I accidentally had phone sex last night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
