I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
