I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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