planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
