I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
