Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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