New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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