Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize