I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
