I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
