I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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