Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
