Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
