My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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