I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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