Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
