I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
