i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
