I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
