got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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