Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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