he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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