That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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