So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
