Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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