I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
