Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
