You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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