nut hugger
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
