do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
