girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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