never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
