I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize