I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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