How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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