just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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