don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
