Got a toothbrush?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
