I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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