I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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