So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize