it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the day after is always just damage control
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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