Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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