THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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