Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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