I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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