I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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