I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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