just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
be right there i have to get my cape
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