I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
