Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
