I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
