let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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