I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
3pm strippers are depressing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
