I love black thongs
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize