Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
