running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
