college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
