Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
