Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize