they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
