Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
where does the pee come out of this thing
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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