I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
