how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
