Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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