No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
