Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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