We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Couch. On fire.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
