the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
