I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
