I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
