3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
