The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
