If that was your dad, he is hot
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're like the curious george of whores
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i think im in europe. pls send help
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
