I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
love makes seman taste better
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
