how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
