I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize