I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My balls are so social today.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
