I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
