i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
