woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
