My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize