Sry I called you an 8
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
