Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
