my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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