peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
