guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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