when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
