her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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