haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
