I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I died a long time ago.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
