They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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