Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
